THINKING OF YOU THIS MOTHER'S DAY

(I posted this on Caleb's blog, too.)

I would like to dedicate this post to all the women I know that experience at least some measure of sorrow on this day. My heart has been heavy for you this last week and you have been in my prayers. Many of you by name.

I think first, of course, of those of you who long to be mothers and cannot or don't know if you will ever be. I remember that grief.

I think also of Caleb's birthmom and others like her, who made a selfless, loving, hard choice for their child.

I think of those of you whose mothers are no longer on this earth. I tremble at the thought of that day crossing my path.

I think of mothers whose children are no longer on this earth. I don't think most of us would ever anticipate outliving our children.

I think of children whose mothers have wounded them, emotionally, physically or otherwise.

I think of mothers whose children have wounded them, especially those who have rejected the faith they were raised in.

I think of mothers whose children have no father around to teach them how to honor their mother.

I think of women who long to be someone's wife, let alone someone's mother.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. Feel free to leave comments and add to it for me so that I know who else to include in my prayers in the years ahead.

Before Caleb came into my life, I longed for the day when I could celebrate Mother's Day as a mother. I have been blessed with that privilege now for three years. To my surprise, with the passing of each of those three years, I have become more convinced than ever that if there were a petition to "delete" this holiday from the calendar, I would be the first to sign it.

Please don't misunderstand me. It's not that I don't appreciate the way Joseph and the rest of my family have sought to honor me on Mother's Day. But it continues to be a bittersweet day for me because I cannot seem to forget all the years of pain that went along with it and the pain that continues to go along with it for so many others.

So this morning I came up with a plan. I decided that next year, if Joseph and Caleb want to set aside a special day to honor me, then they can make that my birthday. I will honor our mothers and sisters on Mother's Day, but I've told him I prefer he not get me flowers or presents or a card on Mother's Day. Maybe in that way, I can silently protest a day I wish could be done away with.

In closing (lest I sound ungrateful), I need to say that I am humbled and grateful beyond words that God answered my lifelong prayers and after eight long years of "trying" gave me the gift of motherhood. I can truly say that I am doing what I feel like I was made to do. God knew who Joseph and I needed in our family when he placed Caleb in our home. He has used Caleb to refine me in countless ways already and he's only two. I never would have chosen the time line or the path that God had for us but we can all agree it is GOOD that HE was in charge of that. Soli Deo Gloria!

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
"For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?
Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?"
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be glory forever. Amen.

~ Romans 11:33-33 ~

CHAPTER 4

PHYSICALS
One relatively minor thing checked off the to do list in the last two days: both of our physicals. This proved to be a good thing apart from moving us along in the adoption process. Joseph found out that his health has improved quite a bit since his physical prior to Caleb's adoption. And I'm starting a new medication that might help prevent some migraines. If nothing else, it seems to be having some other (beneficial) side effects...already!

Joseph has finished up his online classes and is going to be taking an indefinite break from those. As it turns out, I haven't managed to work on any of the paperwork yet but we're hoping to get going on the rest of it before too long now. We might need to go away for a weekend for that to actually happen. We'll see.

CHAPTER 3

MORE PAPERWORK
On March 20th, I got a call from Michele, our case worker. I told her a little bit about our process with adopting Caleb and she told me a little about her background (they are in the process of their third adoption).

As it turns out, there is more paperwork to be done and she e-mailed that to me (about six attachments). I am hoping to start plugging away at the parts I can do without Joseph a little at a time while he finishes up his current online class. Once he's done with that, we'll look for a time (maybe a weekend) to sit down together and plow our way through it.

We've scheduled our physicals for early May.

Seeing how interested Caleb is in babies these days, definitely helps to keep this process on the front burner for me. Below are a few pictures of him enjoying Cousin Elianna and Baby Maggie (our pastor's daughter).

CHAPTER 2

SOONER THAN EXPECTED
I'll be honest. I figured it would be awhile before we heard back from our agency. Based on what I had been told when I had initially requested the paperwork last May, I was under the impression that it might be a matter of months before we would be assigned a case worker. So, I was pleasantly surprised when Joseph told me this evening that he had received two different e-mails from Antioch Adoptions staff.

The first one was to let us know they had gotten our paperwork and had assigned us a caseworker. The second one was from the caseworker, Michele. She informed us that over the next two or three weeks she will be closing out some items currently on her plate and then begin working on our update!

BOOK 2

CHAPTER 1

HERE WE GO AGAIN
Lately we get this question a lot, "Do you think you will adopt again?" Our answer is, "Yes!"

Joseph and I are both so blessed to have grown up with siblings. And now as adults we really enjoy our relationships with our brothers and sisters, maybe even more than we did when we were children. With that in mind, we have always hoped that God would have more than one child for our home.

For awhile now, we have been praying that God would bless Caleb with a sister or brother by the time he's three years old - which is now only a year and 9 days away. We know that we have a part to play in making that happen. It's called starting the adoption process again. We've been looking for a time when we could sit down and fill out the necessary paperwork to get the ball rolling.

So, we decided that this was the week to make it a priority because Joseph was in between classes and would, therefore, have a little extra time. Joseph's sister, Leah, graciously offered to take Caleb overnight to give us a solid chunk of time to devote our undivided attention to the daunting task of "the paperwork."

We still remember how overwhelming this part of the process was the last time around (forty pages of in depth, soul searching questions), so we were really trying to brace ourselves. Imagine our surprise when we sat down to work on it and found it to be mostly yes/no questions and contact and financial information (and not even ten full pages). We were done in less than an hour!

So, we have sent that in to the office and will be waiting to hear back from them about what we need to do next. In the mean time, we'll be scheduling our physicals with our doctor since that's another requirement we know of.

We need and appreciate your prayers on our behalf as we head down this path a second time. We have no doubt that it will again have its ups and downs. But I think we also go into it much more aware of how completely it is in God's hands to bring us the right child at the right time. Thank you for walking with us as we continue this journey.