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(I posted this on Caleb's blog, too.)
I would like to dedicate this post to all the women I know that experience at least some measure of sorrow on this day. My heart has been heavy for you this last week and you have been in my prayers. Many of you by name.
I think first, of course, of those of you who long to be mothers and cannot or don't know if you will ever be. I remember that grief.
I think also of Caleb's birthmom and others like her, who made a selfless, loving, hard choice for their child.
I think of those of you whose mothers are no longer on this earth. I tremble at the thought of that day crossing my path.
I think of mothers whose children are no longer on this earth. I don't think most of us would ever anticipate outliving our children.
I think of children whose mothers have wounded them, emotionally, physically or otherwise.
I think of mothers whose children have wounded them, especially those who have rejected the faith they were raised in.
I think of mothers whose children have no father around to teach them how to honor their mother.
I think of women who long to be someone's wife, let alone someone's mother.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. Feel free to leave comments and add to it for me so that I know who else to include in my prayers in the years ahead.
Before Caleb came into my life, I longed for the day when I could celebrate Mother's Day as a mother. I have been blessed with that privilege now for three years. To my surprise, with the passing of each of those three years, I have become more convinced than ever that if there were a petition to "delete" this holiday from the calendar, I would be the first to sign it.
Please don't misunderstand me. It's not that I don't appreciate the way Joseph and the rest of my family have sought to honor me on Mother's Day. But it continues to be a bittersweet day for me because I cannot seem to forget all the years of pain that went along with it and the pain that continues to go along with it for so many others.
So this morning I came up with a plan. I decided that next year, if Joseph and Caleb want to set aside a special day to honor me, then they can make that my birthday. I will honor our mothers and sisters on Mother's Day, but I've told him I prefer he not get me flowers or presents or a card on Mother's Day. Maybe in that way, I can silently protest a day I wish could be done away with.
In closing (lest I sound ungrateful), I need to say that I am humbled and grateful beyond words that God answered my lifelong prayers and after eight long years of "trying" gave me the gift of motherhood. I can truly say that I am doing what I feel like I was made to do. God knew who Joseph and I needed in our family when he placed Caleb in our home. He has used Caleb to refine me in countless ways already and he's only two. I never would have chosen the time line or the path that God had for us but we can all agree it is GOOD that HE was in charge of that. Soli Deo Gloria!
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
"For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?
Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?"
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be glory forever. Amen.
~ Romans 11:33-33 ~
